I am 54 years old, single and childless, and have had many partners in my life. Some of them had an unbridled, shy or non-existent sexuality. This text is the result of my observations, of my experience.
According to ancient Indian beliefs, sexuality is part of the sacred chakra, like taste, located three fingers from the navel. Could this not be a subliminal message from our guides and creators? I give my tongue to the cat, but I think that this sacred act has been overused, trivialized and banished by the current society and religions.
1. The difference between men and women
Apart from the different attributes of the two sexes that no one ignores, a disparity occurred to me a short time ago, which I also found in my study on Tantrism. When the man ejaculates, he loses energy. The woman, when she has orgasm, she loses anything.
In many belief systems, it is the woman who begets and loves her offspring, and the man who only thinks of introducing you-know-what into God-knows-where. In short, often described this way, our male brain is replaced by our phallus.
"The best time for love is when you're climbing the stairs. Georges Clemenceau
This quote demonstrates the imperfection of male sexuality: arousal. Its control is essential for a successful altruistic sexual act. Only experience will allow the man to acquire the necessary self-control to avoid ejaculating too quickly. I hope that Mr. Clemenceau's appointments were every time on the twentieth (laughs). Sexuality is not masturbation, but an exchange of sensuality, of reciprocal gestures where the bodily effluvia of the two partners merge, merge and merge. In short, the man needs to chirp in order to obtain a confidence and a dexterity to all. Several women who have been fulfilled have confided in me that they needed only 3 or 4 lovers to open their pleasure box. Perhaps others don't need multiple lovers, but only the discovery of their bodies through masturbation (read below). But these birds are very rare. When I was 32, I met a woman 12 years older than me, who had only known her husband and had never had any pleasure. A second woman confirmed my theories by telling me that during her ten years as a couple, her sexuality was lived backwards. An older lover finally opened Pandora's box for her. A third woman told me that she only came only, if she was in love. In short, each person has their own sexual functioning.
2. Discovering your body
In a Swiss documentary (https://vimeo.com/ondemand/plaisirfeminin), a 40-year-old woman takes charge and says to herself, "I don't want to be like my mother, I want to know pleasure." In a book (whose title I forget), a famous American sexologist talks about another idea of masturbation. First, relaxing by breathing and listening to relaxing music. Taking massage oil, just touch your body starting from the top, and note which parts of your body give you jolts. It can be the ears, the forearms, the armpits stomach, buttocks, breasts... Last will be the genitals: penis, testicles, clitoris, vagina, not forgetting the anus. It is a pity that some people banish the discovery of the anus because of religion, while they could perhaps have a preference for the anal orgasm (I advise you this video), in spite of the clitoral or vaginal orgasms of the woman, and penile or prostatic of the man.
Masturbation is an essential tool for bodily discovery, but used too often, like sports, alcohol, sugar and sex with others or strangers, it becomes a compensation and a drug.
3. Human responsibility
The testicles also represent the "guts" of man. Is it not said that a man without balls is a man without scope or depth, fleeing his responsibilities? The primary state of man is this perpetual but incommensurate need for many: ejaculate, and to have pleasure... And the other, in all of this? Self-confidence and love are forgotten in our society. These are proven facts. Giving his attention to the other by providing him with pleasure is also omitted since the dawn of time. Sex with two is not a selfish act, but a very altruistic one. Although successful, it is the number 1 destressing. With a good orgasm and sexuality, you don't need any medication . Let us touch each other, let us massage, let us fondle each other, think of the other, for once... Man must forget his personal pleasure, regain his character as a man and his balls. His primary responsibility is to give pleasure and love.
he must control his ejaculation. When the man ejaculates, the man loses his energy. If the man controls himself and gets an orgasm without ejaculation, he will get a lot of energy and will do it again for the pleasure of his partner. Ejaculation is not a solution. For 15 years I have been holding back and having an orgasm without ejaculating to give my partner more pleasure. On the other hand, one of my friends who loves sex has been very disappointed with men. "Every time I was with a man, he would ejaculate and then sleep. And I had no pleasure. I met a beautiful woman, it was the first time I had sex with a woman. It was ecstasy." This testimony is not the first I've heard. So yes, we men need to take responsibility. And you ladies when you don't have pleasure with your man, you need to tell him !!!!
Someonesomeone said, perhaps Diderot "95% of children are born from sexual acts without pleasure for the woman.
Our current society demonizes celibacy, and many people think that living alone is harmful. However, it is an obligatory passage. When properly negotiated, it restructures the solar plexus chakra and strengthens us against the emotional attacks of life. How to get there? Meditations, prayers, walks in nature are major assets. Often, many men and women focus too much on a conventional future: being in a couple, having children. This pressure is detrimental to positive attraction. After After several years of "active" celibacy, I had two wonderful years of marriage with a Russian woman who has since become a strong friend. But this was not my path. During that time, I learned a lot about living with someone. When I became single again, I was both liberated and a little frustrated. I saw videos on sexuality, meditation and the law of attraction. It was leading me to a different way of living. This well-negotiated privileged passage allows you to open your heart chakra by loving your life, even if it is not perfect. Mentioned by many therapists like Jean-Michel Homo and Julie Morin: "If we don't like living alone, we can't like living with someone." Often, our partner is our mirror. Thus, for many, he or she is only there to fill our void. On the other hand, if you build a strong emotional foundation by strengthening your heart and solar plexus chakras, you will attract a very grounded person who will want only one thing: to love you.
On the sexual side, loneliness can be badly experienced by some. Frustration can often animate your mind. It's been three years since my sex life rhymes with nothingness. At first it was a little difficult. Like everyone else, I signed up for a sexual dating site. I quickly disenchanted. I tried a week, I realized that there were a lot of models. So I decided to stop, for 10 euros, it's ok just 10 euros. But this company has automatically taken 3 months plus 3 months. Indeed, there was a very small written clause which informed that for any dissubscription, they had to send them a form, otherwise the payment would be made. In short, it is forced sale, and impossible to recover the sum of 200 euros. In France, the libertine sites are more serious, but men are more numerous than women. Then, be dreated in a bar by a drunk woman who does not remember you the next day, no thanks...
I went three times to a libertine club on Rue du Cherche-Midi in Paris. It taught me to gain confidence in myself by looking at others and to say to myself that I was not so bad as that. In a serious club, women are privileged and protected. If a partner bothers them, they can inform the management, who will take responsibility by expelling the person from the club. We can be curious without consuming.
Tantric massage helps me a lot to masturbate less, rather to ejaculate less during masturbation, while experiencing a satisfying pleasure.
In short, unwanted celibacy can be very unpleasant, which is why it is necessary to work on oneself. This involves, as I said before, meditation and acceptance of the situation.
Videos to watch:
The size of the sex
This is the big question for men: I too had my doubts. The average height in action for European men is 13.5 cm.
It is not the length that counts, but rather the width in relation to the vagina encountered. Indeed, we all make the same mistake of elaborating a back and forth movement in length. However, it is a counter-clockwise circular movement that makes a woman gloat. Then, generally, the vagina adapts and takes shape around the penis.
There may be special cases. The vagina, following childbirth or frequent intercourse, may enlarge, or may be naturally very narrow or very wide, depending on the woman's pelvis. A few years ago, I flirted with a woman who had a very wide pelvis, and therefore, an immeasurable vagina. My 13.5 cm were completely lost in this immensity. Sodomy proved to be a better solution at first. Adapting by listening to the other's body is an essential thing. The outcome of this ordeal was a fisting that brought my partner to ecstasy. She told me, "You know how to do it, especially listening to others." At the time, I was not aware of the importance of this reflection, but I am proud of it.
If you have a micropenis, be aware that there are also very tight vaginas. In my life, I have met two very narrow women that I could not penetrate. If you are in this kind of case, gentlemen, think about massage and tantrism... You should also know, ladies, that nothing is lost, that you can enlarge yourself little by little by playing with small sex toys at first, then bigger and bigger. On the other hand, give a too enlarged vagina a rest, as well as perineum exercises, to be done alone or with a physiotherapist. The jade egg, thanks to sexual kung fu, can also be useful. . Then, several of my mistresses and friends have told me that the size of the sex is not important, but the right use. Indeed, a big cock, or too long, can be very painful. Think about it: a non-complementary penetration is a sign of inconsistency in the relationship.
It is not a disease. It is part of life. In animal life, many have a homosexual practice:
Julie Morin claims that this is karmic(rooted in our genes) and linked to our childhood.
"Everybody, heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual have all the right to love, to respect, to life in a peaceful context, and they are all equal in their fundamental value, their essence of light." Julie Morin
In my case, I tried, but I really don't like men. Like everyone else, we have questions during adolescence, most often about our sexual and personal identity. Self-confidence at this time is not consolidated, and sometimes a homosexual experience comes up. Above all, if it happens to you or your children, there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is an experience like any other. In ancient Greece, 15 year olds would be deflowered in front of their fathers. It must also be said that the woman was only taken for procreation. In Norway, in this day and age, I often see 20-year-old women kissing each other at the end of the evening. I asked a friend who said, "It's just fun." I also sense a lot of young women disappointed with men and taking the big step of becoming lesbians out of fear of living alone. It is finally recognized that the lesbians know how to make cum (read in a French newspaper).
A homosexual friend in a couple told me that he was "bi" because it was easier to meet other men. Jean Marais, famous actor and love of Jean Cocteau, in an interview in 1981, said that he had eight male partners a day. In short, it is a question of envy. In our world, loving a person of the same sex is a right, a freedom, and should not be taboo. When I was in the wine business, a very good customer called homosexuals sick, he never saw me again, I am for respect and tolerance. Homophobia should not exist. The consequence of this rejection, of this fear, is heterophobia. In my personal case, I was called with heterosexual friends to work for a reception in a town hall whose mayor was gay, and 80% of my colleagues working regularly for this place were so were 80% of my colleagues who worked regularly for that venue. Our small team was never contacted again after the mission. I'm sure it wasn't because of our work. According to my sources, this also happens in the entertainment industry. And that's a shame.
Another vision of sex
1. The energy
The man can ejaculate without orgasm, and can have a strong orgasm without ejaculating. My theory is confirmed in Ovidie's book, La sexualité féminine de A à Z.
Jean-Michel Homo advised me to masturbate without ejaculating, as healers are very demanding sexually.
However, since 2003, I have not ejaculated with a woman. Fear of having a child, of being in love, or just being aware that I'm losing energy. I don't know, but I noticed that I was regenerating the next day. I was vigorous in every way.
"Conventional sexuality through masturbation or full sexual union devitalizes the body slowly and makes us more and more obsessed with sexuality. Julie Morin
Julie Morin is a multidimensional psychologist in Quebec. I recommend her free ebook on tantric sexuality: http://www.psycho-ressources.com/julie-morin.html ..
Her videos give you a different view of life. I agree with her view of conventional sex. We need to be more focused on tenderness, caresses, massages, softer penetration - not back and forth, but counter-clockwise circles - in order to reach several levels of pleasure in harmony. We differ on the loss of energy on women's orgasm. I think that energy is only lost during male ejaculation. Women who are in tune with their beauty, their life, always have a love, male or female, which gives them both a balance in their life, but also an intense pleasure.
As Victoria Abril said in 1998 on the Canal + TV: "all women in love are nymphomaniacs." I have known bulimia women of sex, but they are rare, having known many lovers of one evening. I don't think the orgasm was on the date, they were looking for an ego or an identity that turned into drugs.
Women may be in withdrawal, but they are less addicted to sex than we men are.
As a couple, massage not only helps you get to know each other, but also has a beneficial effect on stress. It relieves back tension. Tantric massage (see below) can be practiced alone or as a couple. It releases energies. You may feel heat in your feet or in some of your chakras. This is the proof that your energies are activated. I recommend this video by Julie Morin on tantric massage:
3. The prostate: the man's clitoris
A completely taboo subject, it gives us a different and very strong orgasm, with or without ejaculation. The anus can be simply licked, touched, penetrated or not. A man who is penetrated by his partner is not a homosexual act.
4. Breathing and control of the vagina
Breathing and self-control are paramount in sexuality. One of my mistresses, whom I met a few years ago, used to animate her vagina by breathing like a hoover or a magnet. Just an amazing feeling for my penis.
Seen on Lilou's TV, a former porn actor explains that a woman can build up her vagina with the help of a jade egg. The woman can ejaculate, the partner has to look for a lump in the vagina with his finger.
5. Not to be done anymore....
The "Starfish" position is the position of the woman who spreads her thighs and arms without doing anything, without moving, without touching during the sexual act. This position is wrong female position. It must be banished from a couple who wants to improve their sexual understanding. Communication in a couple is paramount. Knowing what the partner likes or dislikes will strengthen a strong, cordial understanding. I have spoken above the responsibility of man, but the woman must not omit her obligations. Moving its pelvis, being tactile, sensual, showing that one takes pleasure, changing position will give spice during the Act. When a woman sits on me, it's one of my favorite positions. The sensations are multiple and we can hold out longer.
In order to control his arousal, the man should breathe before the act. But his partner can also talk about this, by starting a classical or tantric massage.
"Tantra is an energetic connection with the other, there are 113 different ones including 3 sexual ones." Diane Bellego, interview pour la Télé de Lilou.
"Unlike conventional sexuality, white tantric sexuality constantly recharges us, gives us an inner sensation of full or fullness, and makes sure that we can focus on many other activities that sexuality in our days without feeling lacking.
Furthermore, as the aim is to help each other to increase our vibratory rate and to create our solar bodies, as tantric sexuality gradually channels energy into all our subtle bodies and solarizes them, giving them more and more light and energy... the partners usually agree to have moments of tantric sexuality together frequently. It is therefore common in a tantric couple to have a tender moment, in massage or in union, almost every day, it may be only 15 minutes or 30 or an hour, but this time will be very precious for both life partners and very uplifting and energising for both.
And if you meet teachers, gurus, guides who say they initiate in full practice their students (i.e. they offer them to make love tantrically with them, so with several partners), they are not true masters in this field and simply want to feed their ego of lust with you! (taken from the eBook on the Tantrism of Julie Morin)
As I mentioned above, I masturbate less since I started practicing tantric massage, I feel more balanced, because my vibratory side is amplified. It often starts with the feet, but the energies are increased tenfold, and sometimes I just need to elaborate the gesture above me to activate my energies. My plan is to go deeper into this subject by learning from a teacher.
I recommend this video, in which you can see the different postures of tantra (towards the middle of the video):
Experience is one of the keys to our lives. It contains stages:
- that of ignorance when we are born or start a new activity;
- that of learning when we learn;
- that of knowledge when we have learned ;
- that of mastery which elevates our body and soul. At this stage, humility is important for every person. Forgetting it causes us to revert to a state of ignorance, and often leads to incompetence.
Sexuality is no exception to this rule. I remember a story told by a beautiful colleague. She was 25 years old and just gorgeous. She was complaining about her man. Indeed, he preferred to spend his time with video games and was forgetting about his sweetheart sexually. Six months later, I was given a mission in another restaurant where I met her lover. He confided in me, with his macho air, that he made her come a lot. I laughed a lot inside, another man who thinks he knows everything about sex, and a couple that doesn't communicate and prefers to keep quiet instead of talking, for fear of hurting the other. The video game is a new drug in society. I think that this man is not the only one to neglect his concubine. Indeed, John B. Root, in the 2000s, made a humorous pornographic film, XYZexploiting slightly this theme : .
For my part, two events have marked me in my life. The first: after a very watered evening, I ejaculate too quickly, in short, my young lover tells me, and we have never seen each other again. She was very disappointed with this calamitous masquerade. I decided that this situation would be the only one of my life. That was the case. The second: at the age of 25, I met the first real woman of my life, she called . S..... was my 6-year-old senior, mother of an 8-year-old child, resembling a Gypsy woman, she was living her life full of teeth, with many lovers. Our first night was overflowing until noon. "Always standing and always ready" can be the title of this crazy encounter where erotic games and various unusual positions were mixed. Indeed we killed , his sink . Our electric encounter gave meaning to my life and definitively contributed to my heterosexual identity. Meet a mistress as S...... cemented a life. Twenty-five years later, the magic of Facebook invites us to contact again. His praise for my touch, my sensuality and many other things, like my humour, splashed our discussion. In short, I was as important to her as she was to me.
Menstruation in sexuality :
When the other person does not want to, we listen.
One night stand, condom!
The act must be conscious, therefore without excess alcohol. Drunk women, no thanks.
Communication in sex and in life in general is very important. You are allowed to have a one-night stand, but tell them it's only for one night.
Sexuality at 15 has no place. Tell your children that they have time, being a virgin between 15 and 18 is not shameful.
I also discovered a spiritual dimension. The sexuality chakra is also the taste chakra. That's why I wouldn't want to experience the sexuality of a couple who often eat at McDonald's and drink Coca-Cola. When I meditate, or have an orgasm through a sexual act, the same sensations happen: tingling or heat in the feet. Could it be the kundalini (cosmic and divine energy) that is normally along the spine?
Making love like animals, in a bed, in a toilet or in a car is not the end. It is simply a step. Our present society has banished the sacred and spiritual side of sexuality by showering us with pornography. This trivialisation of vulgarity and reproduction has become dull and insipid. We forget the essential: altruism, touch, listening, and above all, the other. A successful sexuality is a powerful antidepressant and an indispensable weight in the balance of life. I believe that a new, more spiritual sexual path exists. Questioning ourselves is the key to our existence. It is the most difficult step in our lives.
Final note from the author :
Since I have been in Norway, I have never had a sexual relationship with a Norwegian woman. I have always been flirted with or turned on by women who were aroused by a high dose of alcohol. However, to have a sexual act with this state is not advised. First of all, alcohol in the bloodstream takes away the energy of men, but for our soul mates, alcohol excites them (confirm in Ovidie's book, La sexualité féminine de A à Z). . I prefer to leave my cell phone number or facebook and meet at another time. I always managed to get phone numbers, but the next day, it's the sword in the water. No answer, no other appointment. Too bad....But I refused to have sex twice: the first time I was not available. The second time, she was not healed from her previous breakup. I read an interesting article by Lorelou Desjardins "Why are there so many male teases in Norway? She explains that in all countries, teases exist, but the originality of Norway is that some men practice this method. I think it's a real experience. Indeed, according to Lorelou Desjardins, they flirt but do not go through with it. They do it in order to know if they still have sex on the battery... Frankly, I fall for it... In this irresponsible world, sexuality is dehumanized and offers self-centered pleasures. But in addition, a flight forward is constant, we forget our responsibilities, our commitments, our words. Where is this world going with men who, for the most part, are ball-less and disempowered? For me, they will always be present in my body and in my verve.
You are a woman and you need a sex coach. I advise you to visit Belinda's website. The videos are very interesting. Men should also look at Belinda's site.